Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn: What Really Happened
by how regretful
Summary: This is my first story and it's based around the Fire Emblem 10 game. The story starts when Micaiah meets Ilyana and Aimee in the prison. This is just a retelling of the story but with an unrealistic insight on the chars. It's supposed to be funny, enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Fire Emblem Radiant Dawn: The Real Story

The jail cell was implausibly dirty and filled with the stench of death. Micaiah looked around for an opening in the cell, a way out of this nightmare. "By the Goddess, I think there's a dead girl in the corner of the room Micaiah," exclaimed Laura. Laura was a young priestess the Dawn Brigade had included into their group so she could obtain the medicine required for her sick abbot. Laura rushed over to the corner of the room and nudged the body with her boot, only to have the girl chomp down on her poor foot.

"Ouch! Let go you diseased rubbish!" The young maiden screamed frantically trying to kick the girl's head free of her foot, but to no avail. "Ilyana, let go this instant!" yelled a young woman covered in a nauseating pink dress drenched in feces or the like. The foot monster let go with a whimper and a grunt. "I'm terribly sorry about that, she is just hungry," spoke the flamingo embossed maiden. "My name is Aimee, what is yours?"

Laura was too busy kicking Ilyana's stomach to respond but Micaiah answered, "My name is Micaiah, and my body beating friend here is Laura." A silence came over the room excluding Ilyana gasping the occasional "oomph!" in between rib cracking punches. "You're bleeding old lady," said a young cloaked man in a small voice.

"I am NOT old thank you! Man, as soon as Sothe springs me from this joint I am SO going to buy some extra strength hair dye," muttered the silver haired girl. Truth be told, Micaiah was about forty five years old but for some reason she never aged past sixteen.

Micaiah looked down and saw no wound, only dry blood. Sacrifice did that; it would heal her wounds from time to time.

Micaiah was about to sacrifice Ilyana's wounds but Sothe unexpectedly fell from a hole in the roof. "Ouch, are you okay Mic… OH MY GODDESS! ILYANA'S DEAD!!!" Screamed the green haired youth whilst running in circles. Micaiah only smacked her forehead at Sothe and used Sacrifice on Ilyana so she could stand up again, since Laura had broken both her legs. "Laura, take it easy on her, it takes too much energy to heal her," mumbled Micaiah and she wearily stood up." Ilyana also stood up and greeted everyone as she teetered back and forth. "Oh, hello Sothe… It's nice to eat with you again. Let's get… out of this… hellhole…," mumbled Ilyana as she finished her helping of Laura's boot. "Thanks for asking and all, but my name is Kurth, prince of Goldoa," muttered the young cloaked figure. Everyone effectively ignored the youth and began to run outside where their comrades (and possibly lunch,) awaited them.

To be continued….


	2. Chapter 2

Everyone had just gathered outside when Laura bent over and poked at the ground. "Why does the ground have grid lines? They make me dizzy," asked the entranced priestess. "Oh, those tell us enemies are close," answered Ilyana as she began to chew on a rock. "While we're on the subject, why in the world is my voice being projected into words right next to this stunning picture of me?" asked Aimee. "I don't know about that, it all started when Sothe returned from his voyage with Sir Ike, I think he gave him a disease," added Micaiah. "Grandma's right, it's like STD's or something," replied Sothe.

After some conversation on the weirdness of their new circumstances, Sothe handed out some weapons to everyone. "Oh… I can fight too if you give me those tomes," Ilyana stated sheepishly. "Oh, I never knew you could use lightning magic Ilyana, in fact, I'm pretty sure I heard Soren say you were useless in the Mad King's War." Again a silence took over the group as Ilyana took the tomes, thoroughly insulted. "Let me handle this," muttered Laura as she brought the Heal Staff across Sothe's face with great force. A prominent "NO DAMAGE" symbol came up from Sothe after he hit the ground. "Well that was a lie" added Laura as she healed Sothe's face.

After some severe beating from Laura, the rest of the Dawn Brigade arrived. "Hey guys we're here," stated captain obvious Edward. Sothe was indeed surprised by the group's quick ascension up the guarded hill without his help. "How did you guys get here so fast without my help?" the three looked at each other for a moment and shrugged. "Well, we actually just materialized out of nowhere again and forced to say we were let in by a man who said, 'if you're here to save Laura go on ahead.'" Laura quit twirling her staff in the air for a few moments after hearing Edward's status report. "Really, I must be quite popular these days. Any more of this kind of treatment and I'll be forced to request a raise. Besides, I should get Ilyana's yearly salary in a week, she's pretty useless."

Ilyana had just enough of everyone calling her useless, she furiously wobbled over to a swordsman and called down a lightening bolt while shouting, "Elthunder!" The man keeled overly slowly and disappeared. A prominent yellow bar came up and went from zero to one hundred and then back to zero again. "Level Up" suddenly appeared and blocked everyone's view as a giant picture of Ilyana and her stats came up. The board read, HP 22, Strength 5, Magic 10, Skill 5, Speed 12, Luck 9, Defense 4, and Resistance 11. A sudden flurry of numbers began exploding over her stats as her Strength, Magic, Skill, and Resistance all increased by 1.

The Group stared at her wide eyed and caught in the headlights. "There, does that prove I'm not useless?" Smirked Ilyana in a triumphant pose. She was greeted only by silence as a young child ran up to the charred remains of the earth where the enemy used to be. "Grandpa, grandpa what happened? Grandpa get up! Who killed my grandpa?!" screamed the exasperated youth. Laura coughed "Ilyana" in the silence of the area as Ilyana looked down at the "sword" and saw that was just a cane the old man use to walk.

"Okay, I have a simple solution to this…," muttered Ilyana as she backed away. Ilyana Immediately called down a small bolt from the sky and struck the child. Once again, the body shriveled up and disappeared just like the "swordsman." After slaughtering some innocent prisoners, everyone had become quite noticeable and now every prison guard was rushing in to capture everyone. "It looks like we are going to fight our way through this," said Micaiah as she got her book ready for battle. "Stay next to Laura Ilyana, and if we find any children to kill, we'll call you," ordered Sothe.

As the group readied their weapons, it began to rain. "Oh…, now I can really do some damage…," Said Ilyana.


End file.
